What a Surprise

Okay not really much of a surprise.

So as some will know I've been fighting an ongoing illness. Doctor was stumped on what it was. I was stumped on what it was. Finally found the pattern to when I'm the sickest and thus found the likely cause. Its anxiety and stress. Ie my job.

Look back a post or two and I'm sureyou'll be able to see why. Its not the work I do, but the company I do it for. I'm completely disregarded, taken for granted, and generally treated shitty. Every day I wonder if I'll have a job when I get to work. That's how bad it feels working here.

So Doc has set me up to go to an anxiety management thing. Not sure if its exactly a class or a one on one thing with a shrink. Either way I hope it helps. It would seem that I'm now stuck with this to some extent. Because this is spreading to more than jsut work.

Simple things like meeting someone for the first time makes me sick. Nervousness about a non-work project being done right and on time makes me sick. Anything that has even the slightest bit of worry, anxiety or stress makes me sick.

This isn't good. I don't want to be sick.

So the first step for me I think is to get the hell outta this place. Ideally I'd like to get out of conventional IT. Really I'd love to move into the games industry. Maybe as a GM for an MMO or something along that line. Right now though I'd settle for anything that meant I could make more money and not be working here.

Of course getting through the interview without puking is the first step.